Assalamualaikum.
My last post here is in January. I move all my old posts into the draft. I thought, hey, this is just a blog why not start anew. This blog is the epitome of my memories during my degree years. I will not delete it. In fact, I will keep it. So I can go back and read it while reminiscing about the past. Nothing much really happen. Actually, to be honest, there are a lot of things that are happening in my life for the last five months. I want to talk about it but at the same time, I feel like it doesn't matter. What important is what I have learned throughout five months.
I learnt a lot. Especially things that are related to failure. Like people are so afraid to fail, why? Failure turned people into sort of things and made you feel all sorts of feelings; anxiety, depression, relief etc. In my experience failure is a beacon of hope. I sound very dramatic. But it's true. Failure lead you to two roads. Either dead end or a new way to the unspeakable adventure. I still don't know which road I walk into but right now, I am hoping that I am walking into an awesome journey. Along the way, we often forgot our real purposes and sometimes, we just take a break in the middle of it. Yeah, that's fine I guess. You are learning. As long as you don't give up, you'll be fine.
But right now, I'm taking a break. I need this break. At the same time, I'm having an existential crisis. I don't know about this. Should I continue walking? Nvm, this is my problem. Surely and usually I will think of something. I always figure things out. I'm confidence in God and me. He will help me. In shaa Allah. No worries. Unless you enjoy watching me lost in the sea. Psychologically, some people enjoy seeing others in their miserable state because it give confidant to them as their life is much much better than other people.
Apart from failure, I learnt about trust and honesty. Lately, I can't seems to tell people about how I really feel. Maybe because people constantly hurt me without noticing it. Maybe because I always smiling and happy they completely forget that I have feeling. Maybe because I'm always smiling that, it is okay to hurt people like me. Well, that is okay. I learnt that I will not be this kind of people. Datang dan pergi (come and go) anytime they want. They need me for their own benefits. At first, I was furious, I was mad but now. It's okay. Maybe this is a punishment. For my sins. But of course in the positive way, this is a tribulation to make me stronger. This is a signal from God and Universe, I want to train you so when you walk into adulthood, you can be a strong and cool people. This world is full of unkind people you know. It is a sad reality. I don't want to add more unkind people, so I will try my best to help those around me even if they hurt me. I'll pray one day they realize it. I used to tell people if they hurt me, but now, I'm sick of it. I am old now, this thing makes me tired. Just remember, even a small thank you (you can add extra condiment by smiling) can make a big change in someone's day. Remember that.
Sorry if I don't talk much about my day. I just feel like there is no need to share everything. Especially on social media. I don't mind telling you. You just have to ask me. I won't label you as penyibuk (busybody). No! I won't do that. I'm happy to share my story. As long as you ask me nicely and without ulterior motive. I won't post anymore post about travelling. I just want to keep it to myself. If we hang out with each other and you want to see it, that is fine. I'll show it to you. Just remember to ask. Mystery is underrated. Since, I want to be underrated. So I have chose this path.
I will not write regularly. But I will write here from time to time. There is one people said to me that I have a soul to writing. I have this essence as a writer. I'm flattered by the compliment. Thank you very much sir. But I will not write because of that. I'll write because I want to not because I need to.
Well last year, I decided to learnt playing guitar. This is the proudest moment of my life, I finally can play it ! Yiippee. I always admire people who can play it, but now I am more amaze. Because it takes a lot of time and effort. I'm still a beginner. I haven't properly memorize all the chords and I have trouble with barre chords but hey everyday is a new chapter. Doesn't mean that it is hard for you, you can simply give up. No, go for it. Trust me, at the end of the day you will be the one who will be happy with the result. No joke, but while learning, I actually bleed my fingers and my shoulder hurt like hell. No joke guys, but now, I already forgot about the pain. It was a beautiful pain.
I am writing this at 6 am and I am accompany by the beautiful sunrise. Since it's summer, the sun is dancing quite early than usual.
Before I go, I would like to suggest a reading from Haruki Murakami entitled What I Talk About When I Talk About Running. Great book by great author. It's a memoir.
Have a great day. :)